


and you just can’t say goodbye...

by sweetdiosas



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blood and Violence, F/M, Reader dies, Reader sees Marco in the afterlife, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Season/Series 04 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29893218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetdiosas/pseuds/sweetdiosas
Summary: in which the raid of liberio takes the most important thing in jean’s life; you.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	and you just can’t say goodbye...

**Author's Note:**

> This work has been posted on my tumblr (miyanom) alongside its alternate ending!!

Y/N stared down at the ruins of Liberio as she flew overhead, holding tightly onto the gun of her anti-personnel gear — the thing keeping her attached to the aircraft as she reeled herself in.  
  
But she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the mass of bodies laying beneath them, the bodies of the civilians who weren’t given the chance to make it out before the bombings. 

She tried convincing herself this was all for a reason, that it was the only way. But she couldn’t. How could she when the bodies continued to pile up, when the blood staining their hands got thicker and thicker?

Freedom, they called it. They were fighting for _freedom_ — but how many innocent lives would they have to exchange for it? How many more wars stood between them and the freedom they so desperately seeked?

Releasing a shaky breath, Y/N climbed into the aircraft, ignoring the voices speaking her way as she moved away from the entrance in utter silence. 

She just wanted to go home, forget all about what happened here today... forget about the innocent lives lost to Eren’s plan. _Eren_ , the reason they had come to Marley in the first place.

He had already made his way back into the ship, so had Captain Levi and the others. Even so, Y/N couldn’t shake the uncanny feeling gnawing at her gut. Their plan had so far been mostly successful, why did she feel like something was going to go wrong still?

“Oi, Jean!” Connie’s voice mentioning Jean’s name was enough to snap Y/N out of her thoughts. Pushing her way through the crowd of soldiers who had made their way back to the airship, Y/N dropped down at the entrance, holding out a hand to help Jean inside.

Looking up at his friends waiting for him, Jean reached up to grab ahold of Y/N’s hand, allowing the girl to pull him into the safety of the ship Commander Hange had secured for them.

As soon as Jean’s knee pressed against the wooden floor, Y/N was launching herself into his arms. A whiff of his scent being enough to wash away her fears even slightly.

Maybe things hadn’t gone exactly according to plan, but Jean had made it back alive, _they both had._ And that’s all that mattered to Y/N in that moment. 

Pulling back slightly, Jean stared at Y/N’s face, taking in her appearance like she’d disappear from his hold at any moment. “Thanks for coming back alive,” she whispered with a small smile, one of her hands caressing his cheek gently.

“I always will,” Jean told her, quite suddenly moving in to press his lips against hers in a kiss.

Y/N didn’t want to move away, just wanting to live in that moment for the rest of eternity. 

The idea of leaving the fight behind and living a safe life with Jean always remained in the back of her mind, the lingering thought being the only thing that helped her sleep at night when the toll of the war became too much.

There was only one thing stopping her, and she knew it stopped Jean, too.

Though he’d never admit just how much he cared about Sasha and Connie, Y/N knew him well enough to have a good idea. He’d _never_ leave them to fight this tortuous fight alone.

The couple’s reunion was broken up by Connie and Sasha as their sibling-like bickering grew loud enough to break through Jean and Y/N’s little bubble. 

Jean let out a sigh, standing up and helping Y/N back onto her feet before they walked over to the others. “You owe me a big fucking meal, Connie!” Sasha complained, pointing a finger at Connie who was shaking his head.

“Speaking of debts, I think you guys owe me a drink when we get back to the island,” Y/N grinned, throwing her arms over Connie and Jean’s shoulders as her eyes flickered between the two. “Seeing as I paid last time, it’s the least you two could do.”

It was over. The war was just beginning, but _this_ fight was over, Y/N kept telling herself. Ignoring the fear still coursing through her veins.

“I think it’s Jean’s turn.” Connie immediately threw the other boy under the bus, earning a glare from Jean.

Y/N smiled up at him. “Come on, Jean~” she cooed. “Since you love me and all.”

Jean stared at her for a moment before sighing and averting his gaze, the telltale sign that he couldn’t say no to Y/N. “Fine.”

Y/N and Connie immediately turned to each other, high-fiving in victory. Though the moment was short lived as Jean turned around, and a gunshot was suddenly echoing through the air.

Y/N’s body quickly spun around, her eyes widening as she felt a sharp pain pierce through her torso. “Y/N?!” Sasha’s voice sounded so quiet over Y/N’s pounding heart as she stumbled backwards from the shock.

As the pain travelled through her body, Y/N felt her legs give out beneath her, and within seconds, she was hitting the cold wooden floor of the aircraft.

“Y/N! Hold on!” Sasha screamed, falling to her knees and pressing her hands against Y/N’s wound as the others all gathered around the attackers. “Stay with…”

Moments later, Sasha’s shouts were being cut off as Jean fell by Y/N’s side, shouting her name in fear that she wouldn’t make it. “J… Jean.” Her words came out in a gasp, her raspy breaths making Jean and Sasha share a look as he carefully pulled the girl into his arms.

“Come on, Y/N, just hold on,” he pleaded.

“Jean,” she coughed out again. And Jean finally noticed the blood gathering on the corner of her mouth, as hot tears began to stream down her face. “I want… I want to go _home_.”

“You’re going to make it back, I promise,” he whispered, cradling her face in one hand as he thumbed away her tears. “And I’ll buy you that drink.”

They both knew it was a lie. Y/N, from the way her pain had begun to subside as a foreign coldness began to settle in its place. And Jean, knowing it just from the amount of blood he could see pooling on the floor beneath her.

Though despite it all, Y/N smiled weakly, gasping out what could very likely be her last words. “I love you…”

As Y/N began to go silent, her eyes struggling to stay open, Jean finally began to pay attention to the blood seeping from her wound, creating a pool of crimson around her fallen frame.

Y/N could hear it — her comrades’ cries of desperation. They wanted her to hold on, but what was there to hold on to? Perhaps the happy memories of the people they once were, before the war had truly taken its toll…

She hoped to take it all with her as her time finally came. Though she guessed her time was _now_ , in a foreign country, in the arms of someone so familiar she could see his face even with her eyes closed.

_“Are you serious?” Y/N stared at Jean in shock. “The Survey Corps? I thought you had your heart set on the Military Police, what happened?”_

_“Not that suicidal bastard, if that’s what you’re thinking!” Jean crossed his arms, staring her down for a moment before he sighed and looked away, a frown tugging at his lips. “I just… I don’t want- I don’t want those charred bones to be disappointed in me.”  
_

_Y/N’s expression softened as she took his words in. The Battle of Trost had been hard on all of them, losing Marco had made it almost 100% worse. Especially for her and Jean._

_Hearing about her friend’s death, without knowing how it happened, was something she never wanted to go through again. Unfortunately for them, Jean happened to be her best friend, and she wasn’t about to let him be another body with an unknown death. Another person she lost without trying to help them survive.  
_

_“Then I’m joining the Survey Corps, too!” Y/N said, her fists clenched tightly as Jean’s head snapped back in her direction.  
_

_“Y/N-”  
_

_“Don’t even try to change my mind, cause you can’t,” she told him. “I… I’m staying by your side, okay? If anything happens, I- I just want to be there.”  
_

_Without so much as a word, Jean was pulling Y/N into his embrace._ “Y/N-”

He was crying? Why? Why was Jean crying?

Y/N’s eyes slowly flickered open once more, immediately being met with Jean’s teary eyes as he held her close. She remembered now… _she was shot._

Maybe that’s why she couldn’t move her arm even the slightest bit to wipe away Jean’s tears and comfort him. That’s all she wanted to do. She hated seeing him cry, it was the worst feeling in the world.

Weakly, her eyes flickered to her other side. Sasha and Connie sat there, clinging to each other as they sobbed. A tear slipped from Y/N’s eye as she watched them, unable to move a single muscle in her body.

She hated seeing the people she cared for in pain, and all of this suffering was because of her? _Why?_ Why did this have to happen?

“Stay with me, please, Y/N.” Jean begged.

She wanted to. That’s all she wanted. But she was so tired, and everything hurt, even breathing seemed too much at this point.

Jean raised his hand once more, accidentally smearing her own blood against her cheek as he held her face delicately in his large hand. “I love you.”

 _I don’t want to leave you_ … that’s what she wanted to tell him, but no words came out, only broken gasps that’d haunt Jean for the rest of his life as she bled out in his arms. 

As Y/N’s eyes shut once again, she wasn’t greeted with the face of the man she loved, rather, she was blinded by a bright light. The voices of her friends screaming for her to wake up fading into white noise as she slipped out of consciousness.

_This was her end..._

* * *

“Y/N!” A soft voice seemed to echo through the air as Y/N’s eyes flickered open.

“Where… where am I?” Y/N whispered, pushing herself up as she looked around. She was still in the aircraft, but no one else was. Jean and the others weren’t.

Before Y/N even had the chance to question it further, the voice repeated itself. And she finally turned around.

Y/N didn’t know what was expecting to see, but as her eyes fell onto Marco — the boy she hadn’t seen in years, the boy who looked like he hadn’t changed a day since his final moments in Trost — she couldn’t help but take off into a run.

Marco easily caught her as she embraced him. “Marco!” She cried out happily, before her eyes widened and she pulled back. “How… how are you here? You _died_. I- I saw…”

He remained silent as Y/N seemed to catch on to what was happening, one of her hands immediately to shooting to where her wound once was. “Your fight’s over now,” Marco told her. “You can _rest_.”

“Rest,” Y/N repeated in a whisper, the word sounding foreign on her tongue. When was the last time she had rested, she couldn’t remember. It had been battle after battle, betrayal after betrayal. There was no room for rest in the middle of a war, she had been telling herself.

But now...

Now she could finally rest, knowing Connie and Sasha would take care of Jean for her. Knowing they’d win the war together and live long, safe lives.

It was all Y/N ever wanted. Even if she was unable to see it with her own eyes.


End file.
